Are you shy like me? I will be the first to admit that I am shy. Shy in a way that I am not one of those who can enter a room full of strangers and go out knowing almost everyone in the room. I can walk and engage people in conversation but most of the time it takes me time to do that. I have to spend some time and know the person first before I shift to a good conversationalist and communicator.
Looking at the past, i can list down numerous events where I decided to just stay at home than mingle and party with people. Looks like a loser eh? I do not know. Most of the time, I feel like forcing myself to talk and dress up is a waste of my time. Maybe because I struggle connecting with people I have not seen for a long time or connecting with people i only meet for the first time.
This is actually weird because talking and communicating with people is what I love about my current job. I enjoy talking to people, listening to their stories and sharing my point of views so they can improve their processes. However, as much as I love that part of my job, I really need to work on socializing more and marketing the value that I can deliver. Time and time again, I hear successful people share that it is not enough to be good in what I do but I should be able to sell. Inform people that I am good in what I do and I can help them. Waiting for people to approach me is a waste of time.
For this reason, i decided to read "How to Work a Room" by Susan RoAne.
She shares five roadblocks on working a room
- Don't talk to strangers
- Wait to be properly introduced
- Don't be push. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait
- Better Safe than Sorry
- Mangled and Mixed Messages
She offers remedies
- Redefine the term stranger
- Practice a self-introduction
- Move from "Guest" behavior to "host" behavior
- Eject the "rejector" and Move on
- Unmix the mixed message
Same with other books, I will share the key takeaways i am picking up from the book
Be the host - In attending parties or events, I have the tendency to wait to be introduced or entertained by the host. This is fine but if I want to be someone who can engage people in conversation or become friends with other people, i have to shift my approach to "host" behavior. This will not only help the host but I will also help other guests feel more welcome in the party.
Take the Risk and approach a familiar person - In events or malls, whenever I see someone who looks familiar, most of the time i decide not to call or approach the person for fear of rejection. I fear that the other person will not recognize me. Reading the book, the author suggests taking the risk. In the end, if I am wrong I may gain a new friend. Or if the person rejects me, it does not a matter of life and death.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CONNECTING
- Thou shalt prepare
- attitude
- focus
- self-introduction
- conversation
- business cards
- a smile and a handshake
- Thou shalt attend
- RSVP and go! Act like a gracious host
- Thou shalt try these strategies
- Read name tag
- Go with a buddy
- Talk to "wallflowers"
- Approach and be approachable
- Smile
- Allow for serendipity
- Listen
- Care
- Extricate courteously and circulate gracefully
- Follow up
- Call, email or send "thank-yous"
- Thou shalt say something...anything
- Don't wait; initiate
- Take the risk; the rewards are thine
- Listen with interest to the response
- Smile and make eye contact
- Pay attention
- Thou shalt mind thy manners
- Learn old and new etiquette and brush up on thy manners
- Acknowledge others
- Treat everyone nicely
- Thou shalt avoid the common cruthches
- Don't arrive too late
- Don't leave too early
- Don't drink too much
- Don't gorge at the buffet table
- Don't misuse the buddy system by joining thyselves at thy hips
- Don't bring thy cell phone or PDA
- Thou shalt remember the Three E's
- Make an Effort
- Bring thine Energy
- Exude Enthusiasm
- Thou shalt dress appropriately
- Unsure? Ask!
- Thou Shalt Remember The Three C's
- Courtesy
- Charm
- Chutzpah
- Thou shalt bring thy sense of humor (not Jokes)
